WINNING BACK A BROTHER

Reflection on Matthew 18:15–20

Relationships are among God’s greatest gifts, yet they are also places where we can experience misunderstanding, disappointment, and hurt. Families disagree. Friends offend one another. Members of a community sometimes fail each other. Even among people who sincerely follow Christ, conflict can arise.

In today’s Gospel, Jesus does not pretend that His disciples will never have disagreements. Instead, He teaches us how Christians should respond to them.

Jesus says:

“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone.”

Notice what Jesus does not tell us to do. He does not tell us to immediately tell other people. He does not encourage us to embarrass the person publicly. He does not tell us to collect allies against someone who has offended us.

He tells us to go to the person.

And He gives the purpose:

“If he listens to you, you have won over your brother.”

The goal is not to win the argument.
The goal is to win back the brother.

That difference changes everything.

Correction Must Come From Love

Sometimes we correct another person because we are angry. Sometimes we want to prove that we are right. At other times, we may secretly want the other person to feel guilty.

But Christian correction must have another motive: charity.

The Catechism teaches:

CCC 1829: “The fruits of charity are joy, peace, and mercy; charity demands beneficence and fraternal correction.” (Vatican)

Fraternal correction, therefore, is not the opposite of love. Properly practiced, it is an expression of love.

If we see someone we love walking toward danger, love does not simply remain silent. But love also does not humiliate. We speak truth because we desire the person's good.

Before correcting someone, therefore, we should first examine our own heart.

Am I trying to restore this person—or defeat him?

Am I speaking because I love—or because I am angry?

Am I seeking reconciliation—or simply proving that I am right?

Sometimes the first person God wants to correct in a conflict is us.

Speak to the Person, Not About the Person

Jesus specifically says to speak with the person “between you and him alone.”

This is especially challenging today. It can be easier to talk about someone's mistake with friends, coworkers, relatives, or even on social media than to have an honest conversation with the person involved.

But gossip rarely heals wounds. Often, it enlarges them.

Private correction protects the dignity of the other person and gives reconciliation an opportunity to happen without unnecessary embarrassment. Pope Francis has likewise emphasized this aspect of Matthew 18, describing fraternal correction as an expression of love and contrasting it with gossip. (Vatican News)

The Catechism connects this practice directly with conversion:

CCC 1435 teaches that conversion in daily life is accomplished through such things as gestures of reconciliation, admitting our faults, fraternal correction, examination of conscience, and spiritual direction. (Vatican)

This means reconciliation is not merely good manners. It belongs to our journey of conversion.

Every conflict can become an opportunity for holiness.

Reconciliation Requires Humility on Both Sides

There are two difficult roles in today's Gospel.

One person must have the courage to correct.

The other must have the humility to listen.

Most of us probably prefer giving correction to receiving it.

Yet discipleship requires both.

If someone approaches us sincerely and points out something we have done wrong, our first reaction may be to defend ourselves:

"That's not what happened."

"You misunderstood me."

"But you also did something wrong."

Instead, perhaps our first prayer should be:

“Lord, is there something You want me to see through this person?”

Not every criticism is correct, of course. But humility allows us to examine ourselves before dismissing what another person says.

Sometimes God uses another person's words to reveal something in us that we cannot see by ourselves.

The Church Is a Community of Reconciliation

Jesus then expands the process. If private conversation does not restore the relationship, He instructs His disciples to involve others and eventually the Church. Matthew presents an ordered process aimed at addressing sin within the Christian community. (USCCB)

Then Jesus says:

“Whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.”

The Catechism connects Christ's authority of binding and loosing with the Church's ministry of reconciliation.

CCC 1444 teaches that Christ gave His apostles authority to reconcile sinners with the Church, while CCC 1445 explains that reconciliation with the Church cannot be separated from reconciliation with God. (Vatican)

This reminds us that sin is never entirely private. Sin damages communion—with God and often with other people.

Likewise, forgiveness restores communion.

This is beautifully experienced in the Sacrament of Reconciliation. We come before Christ acknowledging that we have sinned, and through the ministry He entrusted to His Church, we receive forgiveness and are restored.

Christ Stands in the Middle

The Gospel ends with one of Jesus' most comforting promises:

“For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.”

Sometimes we think Christ is present only in large gatherings, beautiful churches, or extraordinary spiritual experiences.

But Jesus speaks about two or three.

A husband and wife praying together.

A family trying to reconcile.

Two friends seeking forgiveness.

A small household gathered in prayer.

A few brothers and sisters trying to restore unity.

Christ can stand in the middle of all of them.

And perhaps that is the deepest message of today's Gospel.

In every Christian relationship, we should leave room in the middle for Jesus.

If Christ stands between two people who disagree, pride must eventually give way to humility. Anger must make room for mercy. Gossip must give way to honest conversation. Condemnation must surrender to reconciliation.

The question is no longer simply:

“Who is right?”

The better question becomes:

“How can Christ restore what has been broken between us?”

Christian community does not mean living without conflict. It means learning to face conflict differently—with truth, charity, humility, forgiveness, and Christ at the center.

Key Takeaway

Jesus does not ask us to win arguments; He asks us to win back our brothers and sisters. Fraternal correction should never be motivated by humiliation, revenge, or pride. It must come from charity and seek reconciliation. Before speaking about someone's fault to others, Christ challenges us to approach that person with humility and love. And wherever His disciples sincerely seek unity in His name, Christ promises to be among them.

Closing Prayer

Lord Jesus,
teach us to speak the truth with love.
Give us courage to approach those with whom we have difficulties and humility to listen whenever we ourselves need correction. Guard our hearts from pride, resentment, and gossip. Help us seek reconciliation rather than victory and healing rather than condemnation. May our families, friendships, and communities become places of mercy and unity. Remain in our midst, Lord, and make us instruments of Your peace.

Amen.