Winning Back a Brother: The Courage to Reconcile

Reflection on Matthew 18:15–20

In today’s Gospel, Jesus gives us one of the most practical teachings about relationships within the Christian community. He speaks about something every family, friendship, household, parish, and community eventually experiences: conflict, hurt, misunderstanding, and sin.

Jesus says that if a brother sins against us, we should first approach that person privately. His purpose is clear: “If he listens to you, you have won over your brother.”

Notice that Jesus does not say, “You have proven that you are right.” He says, “You have won over your brother.”

The goal is not victory over another person. The goal is reconciliation.

Correction Must Come From Love

It is easy to talk about someone who has hurt us. It is much harder to speak lovingly to that person.

We may tell our friends what happened. We may repeat the story until others begin taking our side. We may even convince ourselves that we are simply seeking advice. Yet sometimes, underneath it all, we want others to know how wrong the other person was.

Jesus gives us another path: go first to your brother or sister.

The Catechism teaches:

CCC 1435: Daily conversion is accomplished through many practices, including “gestures of reconciliation” and “fraternal correction.”

Fraternal correction is therefore part of Christian conversion. We correct another person not because we believe ourselves superior, but because we care about that person's relationship with God and with the community.

Before correcting someone, we should also examine ourselves.

Am I speaking because I love this person?

Am I seeking reconciliation, or am I trying to embarrass them?

Do I desire their conversion, or simply their admission that I am right?

Christian correction must always carry the heart of Christ.

Sin Wounds Communion

Jesus then describes further steps. If the person refuses to listen, bring one or two others. If the problem remains serious, bring it before the Church.

Why does Jesus involve the community?

Because sin is never entirely private. Sin damages relationships.

The Catechism explains this clearly:

CCC 1440: Sin is first an offense against God and a rupture of communion with Him, but it also damages communion with the Church. Therefore conversion involves both God's forgiveness and reconciliation with the Church. 

This is important for our families and Christian communities.

Sometimes we tolerate unresolved resentment for years. People stop speaking to each other. Families become divided. Members of communities avoid one another. We may continue attending Mass, praying, or serving in ministry while carrying bitterness in our hearts.

Jesus calls us toward something better.

He calls us toward reconciliation.

Forgiveness does not mean pretending that nothing happened. Reconciliation does not mean approving wrongdoing. Love sometimes requires us to speak the truth—but to speak it with humility, patience, and mercy.

The Church Is a Community of Reconciliation

Jesus then speaks about the authority to “bind” and “loose.” This points us beyond ordinary disagreements toward Christ's gift of reconciliation entrusted to His Church.

CCC 1442 teaches that Christ willed His whole Church to be the sign and instrument of forgiveness and reconciliation that He obtained for us through His sacrifice. 

And CCC 1444 teaches that Christ gave His apostles authority not only regarding the forgiveness of sins but also to reconcile sinners with the Church. 

This reminds us that Christianity is not simply “Jesus and me.”

We belong to the Body of Christ.

Our words matter. Our actions matter. Our relationships with one another matter.

A community becomes truly Christian not because disagreements never occur, but because its members learn to face disagreements with truth, mercy, forgiveness, and love.

Jesus Is Present in Our Reconciliation

The Gospel ends with one of Christ's most comforting promises:

“For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.”

We often quote this verse during prayer meetings, and rightly so. But its location in Matthew's Gospel is significant. Jesus says these words in the context of correction, reconciliation, prayer, and community.

Christ desires to stand in the middle of our relationships.

CCC 1088 directly recalls Matthew 18:20 in teaching that Christ is present in His Church, including as the Church prays and sings together.

Imagine what could happen if we truly allowed Jesus to stand between us and the people who have hurt us.

Instead of asking only, “Who is right?” we might ask:

“Lord, how can this relationship be healed?”

Instead of saying, “He should apologize first,” we might pray:

“Jesus, give me the humility to make the first move.”

Instead of spreading another person's failure, we might protect their dignity and speak directly to them with charity.

Jesus teaches us today that sometimes love must have the courage to speak, and sometimes love must have the humility to listen.

Both require grace.

And perhaps the greatest victory is not proving that we were right.

The greatest victory is what Jesus Himself desires:

to win back a brother or sister.

Key Takeaway

Christian correction is not about winning an argument but winning back a brother or sister. Speak the truth with love, protect the dignity of others, seek reconciliation, and invite Christ into every conflict.

Closing Prayer

Lord Jesus,
give us humble hearts that seek reconciliation rather than victory. Guard our tongues from gossip and our hearts from resentment. Give us courage to speak the truth with charity and humility to receive correction ourselves. Heal the divisions within our families and communities, and remain in our midst as we strive to forgive and love one another. Amen.