Shame, guilt, and mercy

Good News Reflection
Monday of the Fifth Week in Lent
March 22, 2010

Today's Readings:
Daniel 13:1-9, 15-17, 19-30, 33-62
Ps 23:1-3, 3-4, 5, 6
John 8:1-11
http:/www.usccb.org/nab/032210.shtml
USCCB Podcast of the Readings:
http://ccc.usccb.org/cccradio/NABPodcasts/10_03_22.mp3

Shame, guilt, and mercy

Have you ever been accused unmercifully, like Susanna in today's first reading? Whether the accusation is true or false, we feel terribly invalidated, especially if it comes without forgiveness. Even when we've done nothing wrong, we need an attitude of mercy from our accuser or else the wound goes very deep.

Feeling remorseful for a genuine sin doesn't make it easier to endure the harsh reactions of others. Since we naturally prefer to look good in the eyes of others, especially when they treat us unmercifully, we defend ourselves and try to rationalize away our sins.

This happens because we're trying to protect ourselves from shame. Guilt is the honest awareness that we have sinned, which leads to remorse, which leads to healing. Shame is different. Shame belittles us and causes deeper wounds.

Only mercy can protect us from shame. Mercy validates our worth. Without it, we try to undo the shame by manipulating people into liking us and approving of us and affirming us. The more we sin, the more desperate we become for other people's approval. And the more desperate we become, the less remorse we feel for what we've done wrong, because remorse includes the feeling that we deserve disapproval.

To heal the wounds of shame, we must realize that our desire to repent and receive forgiveness has opened us to the mercy God and that his opinion of us is what matters most.

When we're accused falsely, we're at the mercy of others and they have rejected us. If their opinions matter to us, we hunger for affirmation. We defend ourselves and offend those who accused us. We convert our innocence into selfishness and pride and other unloving behavior.
To heal this wound we must know that we are embraced by the mercy of God.

No one can validate us like God can. He alone knows what's in our hearts. He alone loves us completely, no matter what we do. In him there is no shame; he has erased our guilt with Christ's blood on the cross. When we grasp the fidelity of God's mercy, we are freed from the self-protective need to be validated by people.

Shame is harmful but guilt is redemptive. Guilt without shame motivates us to repent. Repentance purifies us and helps us to grow in holiness. Holiness extends God's mercy to those around us. In holiness, we invite others to recognize their own guilt without shaming them into it. As we have received mercy, we give mercy, and so the world becomes a better place.

© 2010 by Terry A. Modica
This work is NOT in Public Domain and may NOT be copied without permission.
You may print one copy for your own personal use.
For PERMISSION and info on how to copy this reflection for sharing, see:
http://gogoodnews.net/DailyReflections/copyrights-DR.htm

Seeking a past reflection?
Click this button to register for the searchable Archive Library of the Good News Reflections. One week access is free as a special gift to subscribers of these emailed reflections.

WAS THIS FORWARDED TO YOU BY A FRIEND?
To sign up for your own subscription, go to:
http://gogoodnews.net/DailyReflections


Why do I need you as a partner in my daily ministry?
Please help with a donation, including non-financial support. Good News Ministries affects countless lives around the world, including in countries where people have no Catholic Mass and where Christianity is persecuted. continue...

Join the cause on facebook and help spread the message!

Note: Good News Ministries is a non-profit organization that accepts donations as support for its ministries but does not charge for anything. Catholic Digital Resources™ is Terry Modica's publishing house providing professional writing services; the income from this will eventually support the future growth and projects of Good News Ministries. Please spread the word; tell your DRE, RCIA Director, pastor, etc. about what's available for parishes at Catholic Digital Resources™.

______________________________________________________________
This is the "Good News Reflections - American Edition" mailing list.
MANAGE YOUR SUBSCRIPTION:
Change your address
Unsubscribe